I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
