it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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