We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
