So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
