God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
