I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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