goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize