I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
another moral hangover. fuck.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you made out with another girl for some wings
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
