My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
