I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
