I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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