Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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