wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
