Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i was born a porn star she said
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
