I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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