I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
