Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
