Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
send nudes
from the living room?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
