$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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