i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
