Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
