i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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