i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
