he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
did i just pee glitter
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
