Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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