Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize