How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
