I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
