After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
