PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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