similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
