and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize