I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize