i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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