i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize