Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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