I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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