Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
