you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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