just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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