The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
