is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
