they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
