I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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