Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
