Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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