the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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