Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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