Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I believe in your delicious
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize