soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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