she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
