Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
