making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize