Quick, to the slutcave!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
