please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
