It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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