you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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