Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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