the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
