I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
