Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
