i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
