Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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