he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
