Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
