Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
