It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
