; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
