and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
