i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
