so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
