whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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