I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
