in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
