When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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