It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
