I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
