her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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