who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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