I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
