i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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