so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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