My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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