Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
