She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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