Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
