Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
