just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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