see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
