Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize