Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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