A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i drank out of a bidet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
