This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
