He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
