gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
