apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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