My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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