real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Welp...herpes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
