i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
