and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize