I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Come share oat with me in your robe
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
