We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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