She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
