I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
