So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize