Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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