My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
