I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize