Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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