but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
