since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize