Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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