you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
