I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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