ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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