I just cut my nipple shaving
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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